Cancer

When I was 5 the life surrounding me hit with a right hook. My sister was 6 months home and my mom had been feeling sick for a wile. She kept going to the doctor and kept getting the same response, "you have a cold Sally". Finally that dreadful day came. The doctors decided to give her a scan just to make sure there was nothing seriously wrong with her. Then they found possibly what could be the worst part of my life. It turns out that cold she had been struggling with was really cancer in her lymph nodes. So a little thing called lymphoma was killing my mom. She was receiving tests and always at the hospital leaving me my 2 brothers and my baby sister at home without our mother. My grandparents who had been living with us on and off finally moved in permanently. I was 6 and going into my second year of catholic school. My mom was still having test but she began to get worse. The cancer was rapidly growing and I wanted to be a 6 year old playing at the playground with my mom. I was trying to get use to being like a little mother to my sister and it was beginning to show me the reality of my life. My dad slowly seemed to be gone more then ever. He was working more and more taking on extra overtime at the hospital and a second job. It seemed like I began to notice that people would bring us dinner and that getting the usual ice cream with my dad or the candy at the gas station up the street with my mom didn't happen any more. I would hear my parents talking about how we would need to watch our spending closer. I guess with just my dad working and my mom beginning chemo and 2 kids in private school things got pretty tight. I never saw it from my mom though she was always believing that God was in control. As if things weren't bad enough I began to struggle with school. Failing tests here and there it seemed like God had forgotten about me. I began to pray ever day three or four times. My mom was now really sick. She had lost all her hair and I started to cry my self to sleep. I hated it when she went to the hospital I was afraid of her not coming home that night because something was wrong. I started to fake stomach aches so I could sit in my mom arms without her knowing how afraid I was. The doctors then told her that the cancer was terminal. I then began to hate school. Mostly because I always wanted to be at home with my mom but also because I couldn't read. I began to feel like I was a failure. I felt like I was failing my mom because she had to spend time taking me to the Kluge center to get tested and I just wanted her to get better. I was so afraid she was gonna die when I wasn't with her. I began to get nightmares almost every night. My mom didn't know but one night I heard her talking with my dad and I heard her say the doctors gave her 2 years to live. Now I was 7 and in second grade. School wasn't much better and neither was my mom. But then I think God finally heard my prayers. Some how the chemo cured her. The cancer was gone. She didn't need treatments anymore. Home life began to get better. Then my mom became healthier and healthier. Finally we weren't as short on money. My mom decided now that she was cancer free it was time to find my dyslexia a tutor that didn't make me feel even dumber. We found Mrs. Robinson she is my angel. She did what no one else could. She taught me to read. I was reading on a first grade reading level and finishing second grade. My mom was back to her normal self and I felt like I got my family back. Just when things were looking better the principle put me back in second grade. I cried for days and I felt so bad because my mom felt like it was her fault because she was sick and couldn't help me as much as I needed. I felt like I wasn't allowed to be happy ever again. I hated seeing those tears in my moms eyes. So I entered second grade again and then realized that Ms. Chickarone saved me from failing for the rest of my life. So with two angels on my side I became for the first time a smart child. So for the first time in 3 years I was truly happy. I knew how to treasure life and love everything that happens because I know that God was listening even if it took time. I wouldn't trade any of this for the world because now I know what love, life, tears and true happiness really are.